Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Introducing Bonnie

I'm not sure why it has taken me so long to put my thoughts on here…I guess a combination of 3 vacations/family trips in the last month and lacking the profound words and spiritual insight of the previous posts' author J but I'll give it my best.

Every morning since this all started, I wake up and find myself asking the Lord yet again "Really? Us? Are You sure?" I'm amazed at His patience, but honestly, we are the most unlikely candidates for this calling. I am incredibly thankful, excited, and blessed by it, but at the same time, terrified. Terrified we'll screw it up (mostly me).  Terrified I won't rely on the Lord and trust Him like I need to get us from a 2000 sq. ft house of stuff in Tucson to a much smaller place in WA in the next 6 weeks. Terrified He's asking me to homeschool this year (seems likely).

I also feel we are completely spiritually unprepared, and it's our own fault. We attend a megachurch Calvary Chapel here in Tucson and have been richly blessed by great teaching, worship, Bible studies, Sunday school, VBS, and a Christian school for our kids. Yet when I look at what we have given to the church here, it has been very little. We've volunteered here and there, inconsistently at best. Mostly we've just been spectators. God is so gracious that He has blessed us with some wonderful relationships and been able to bless some others far beyond what we have given, and for that, I'm thankful. Just in the last few months, right before Gabe had his calling to missionary aviation, we both finally stopped ignoring the conviction to serve more in our local Body of Christ and actually have tried to get involved in more things. I can say for sure that if we are delayed in our move for any reason, we will be doing more for the Kingdom here. But meanwhile, we have no real ministry or experience in service or missionary work outside our normal daily lives. We've been selfish. So to receive a calling to something like missionary work is humbling and makes you really wonder about this great God we serve. He seems to favor making us fly by the seat of our pants and trust Him or something J

Today I was reminded of Moses and the burning bush (Exodus 3-4, esp vv 3:10-12, 4:10-12). Basically Moses knew God saved him from being slaughtered as an infant for something, but he was hiding in the desert and hoping God had forgotten about him since he blew it by murdering an Egyptian. And he really didn't like to be put in a position of leadership or talking in front of people. At All. None of that mattered to God though.  He found Moses right where he was, completely unprepared to lead Israel out of Egypt and told him to Go and Trust. Moses could have said no, and God would have raised up someone else; in fact, He did let Moses' brother Aaron speak for him but He wasn't happy with Moses' lack of faith. Another story I love is Esther (Esther 4:10-17). Here she was, beautiful wife but captive of a Babylonian king who didn't know she was Jewish. And God called her to speak up and save her people. She was afraid at first too, but ultimately she obeyed and the Jews were saved. Point being, it's not about me or my fears or feelings of inadequacy. It's about whatever He has for me and our family.

Thanks be to Him who gives so generously of His grace, wisdom and strength to us all. And thank you for your love and prayers.
Bonnie

4 comments:

  1. Exodus 4:12...He will not fail you and He delights to use the most unlikely of people for in doing so, He receives the glory and honor! Love you both and am so happy that you have surrendered and are willing to follow His leading into whatever He desires!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Bonnie, beautifully written! I do think you are not giving yourself enough credit, though--you have been a missionary for as long as I've known you. At Milligan you touched so many lives with your friendly spirit, at the cafe where you worked, in your nursing, with your children, and on and on. I pray for peace that passes all understanding...peace like a river. Abundant love.

    And I'm excited for this next stage of your journey...also glad you'll get to be in WA for a while! Woo-hoo!

    ReplyDelete
  3. One more thought, from the boys' Jesus Storybook Bible tonight (context: God leading Israelites out of Egypt) -

    "'I will bring you to a new home, a special land,' God promised them. 'I will look after you. I am with you.'"

    ReplyDelete
  4. Awesome! You guys are so encouraging to watch.

    ReplyDelete